Introduction
Your life is not your own. Even when people have the best intentions, they tend to discourage you. I’m sure you felt incredibly motivated to do or achieve something, only to have that motivation stolen by some offhanded comment. I’m even sure you minimized your own success by comparing it to other peoples’ success. And when you solve those issues, we tend to hold grudges against people. “Of course, I forgive them as a Christian, but some things can’t be forgotten.” (The great divorce, CS Lewis). This unforgiveness festers in our hearts, corrupts our humility and leads, ultimately, to more discouragement in the task we were called for. We were called for others after all.
But if that is the case, then how can we stop being discouraged by them? We can break the chains the enemy tries to tie around us and embrace God’s freedom. Freedom from the opinions of others. Freedom from comparison. And freedom from unforgiveness.
Freedom From Opinion
“No enemy is worse than bad advice. Only results of bad or good advice might tell the difference”
– Sophocles
In todays’ world we can say something innocuous and well meaning, and immediately have hundreds of peoples’ opinions hoisted upon us. People who believe that they alone have found the answers to all our questions. They know exactly how we must live, despite not knowing anything about us. This is a very easy and convenient position for them to take as their advice costs them nothing. As Dr. Jordan Peterson points out, if someone gives you advice and you succeed, it becomes their success. If you fail, it becomes your own failure. Bad advice costs nothing to the giver, but it can completely steal the agency and responsibility of the person who receives it.
In The Great Divorce, CS Lewis writes about a couple. In the story the wife has no personality or ambition of her own, she only lives to enact her will through her husband. And they are both worse off because of it. Both not reaching the potential God has instilled in them. Don’t we all act like the husband sometimes? If we just let go and let other people control us, life gets easier. We don’t have to take responsibility then. When we fail, we can point the finger at the other. Like Adam did in Genesis. But that is a thin vail. We were created, called, saved and given a new life. For this life. We need to foster that responsibly. Don’t let other people control you, take responsibility for your own life.
Moreover, people don’t always have your best interests at heart. Some people might set out to discourage you out of maliciousness, jealousy or an attempt to obfuscate their own failures. But we still hold their opinions in high esteem. Why should we give the opinion of a random person on the internet, the same weight as the people who love and care for us?
“Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.”
– Proverbs 4: 23 (NIV)
Of course, you will need advice in your life. We are too limited, bias and willingly blind to find the truth alone. Only an egotist can claim that they alone have all the answers and everyone else is wrong. I’m not saying to swear off the advice of other people, but you must receive that advice responsibly. You need to find people who you trust and look up to. Your faith community, your family and friends. Mentors and teachers. People who look up to God. Then you can willingly submit yourself to their advice, conviction and loving correction. Don’t listen to just anybody. “Don’t give the enemy a seat at your table.” (Louie Giglio)
Finally, above everyone else, submit yourself to God. Whenever opinions reach you, filter it through the Word of God. Is their advice supported by the Word of God, or does it contradict? Does it agree with the planned purpose and calling God has placed in your life? Don’t be so stubborn as to think you know everything. But don’t let other people steal your responsibility and control you. Guard your heart.
“But Peter and John replied, “Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to him? You be the judges!”
– Acts 4: 19 (NIV)
Freedom From Comparison
“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
but who can stand before jealousy?”
– Proverbs 27: 4 (NIV)
With the emergence of social media, we are constantly tempted to compare ourselves with other people. How they look, how successful they are, how much faster they reach success and how seemingly easy it was for them. This is all a lie.
Everything on social media is, at worst, polished and faked. At best it’s heavily curated. People only show the best parts of their lives. Then hide the suffering, sacrifices and misery they face every day. Don’t hold other people’s lives up as a standard or ideal for your own life, because you have no idea what their lives really look like. You might find when you achieve other people’s goals, instead of your own, that you are completely miserable at the end.
Moreover, you are too unique to compare yourself with anybody else. Nobody else has your calling, skills, talents, life experiences and spiritual gifts. You are called to run in your own lane and anything that distracts you from that is completely destructive to God’s calling in your life.
“1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
– Hebrews 12: 1 – 2 (NIV)
If you must aim at someone to orientate your life. To strive to become better. To set up an ideal for your life. The only person you can compare yourself with is you from yesterday. (Jordan Peterson, 12 rules for life.) You are running in your own lane. It is not comparable to the races God marked out for other people. But if you compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Then you can have a realistic baseline to start from. If you want to reach greater heights in your life, be a little bit better than you were yesterday. Then the incremental changes will build on themselves. With one step every day, you will look back on a race you are glad to have ran.
“4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load.”
– Galatians 6: 4 – 5 (NIV)
Don’t let jealousy creep into your heart. Don’t be grief stricken by the happiness of others, because you don’t know what their lives look like. Don’t compare yourself to others, because their lives are not comparable to yours. Don’t let comparison discourage you. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday.
Freedom Through Forgiveness
“14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
– Matthew 6: 14 – 15 (NIV)
Forgiveness is an essential aspect of Christianity. Jesus came to earth so that he could die and forgive us of our sins. In the apostle’s creed, the forgiveness of sins is explicitly stated as a fundamental belief, necessary to be a Christian. Jesus also constantly talks about the forgiveness of others as a requirement to your own forgiveness, as in the Lord’s prayer. For such a central aspect of our salvation, we often don’t treat forgiveness universally.
In The Great Divorce, CS Lewis writes about a person so captivated by unforgiveness, that she refuses to forgive even after death. She states that “Of course I forgive them as a Christian, but some things can’t be forgotten.” Unforgiveness has gotten a hold of her heart. Any trace of humility she had, has been snuffed out by unforgiveness. She becomes jaded towards other people. Even the people God called her to serve. As we are all called to service. Instead of living out her conviction, unforgiveness causes her to retreat into herself.
We’ve all heard the analogy, that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. If unforgiveness is in our hearts, it will build our egos and destroy our humility. If you build yourself up and put yourself on a mountain, there is nowhere to go, but down. But if you humble yourself before the Lord, He will lift you up. James 4:10. We forgive others, not only for their sake or the Gospel’s sake, but also for our own sake. To submit our hearts to God alone.
In his essay on forgiveness, CS Lewis masterfully draws the distinction between how we expect to be forgiven and how we forgive others. He argues that when we ask God for forgiveness in our prayers, we often only ask Him to excuse us our sin. We believe there to be some justification or compelling excuse as to why we sin. Then in prayer we ask God to accept our excuses. But, if our sin was excusable, we would not need forgiveness in the first place. Then with regards to other people we often don’t accept their excuses at all. But of course, if their sin against you is inexcusable, that is the whole reason they need your forgiveness.
This is our great misunderstanding about forgiveness. Our sins are not excusable. And the only way to receive forgiveness is to look our sin in the face. In all its ugliness and malice. And to come to God and earnestly ask for forgiveness of the inexcusable. Then when you are forgiven from the inexcusable, you will be able to forgive others of the same. Then you will earnestly pray: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Don’t be captivated by unforgiveness. Don’t become jaded towards the people you were called to serve. But let our character be: I can forgive much because I was forgiven much.
Conclusion
Don’t be discouraged by other people. In a world full of opinion, submit yourself to God fist. Not listening to the opinions that might lead you astray. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your race has been marked out and that is where your focus should be. Don’t harbour hardheartedness and unforgiveness. But forgive like you were forgiven. Be encouraged by God’s word. Be encouraged in your sanctification, for you were lost, but now you are found. And be an encouragement to others.
“8 But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
– 1 Thessalonians 5: 8 – 11 (NIV)
John
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Hi John, thank you for this meaningful message. We should always have a forgiving heart and not allow anger and bitterness to fill our hearts.
This was powerful. Not the easiest thing to do, to forgive, mind God’s plan for our lifes and not comparing ourselves to others is a daily struggle.
Don’t give the enemy a seat at your table stood out to me. This was a very insightful and inspirational message xx
Compelling message to focus on your own calling, your own race and journey ♥️
Baie waar! Dankie John. Baie om oor te dink.
This is such a powerful message John! Thank you! Don’t give the enemy a seat at your table! This is exactly what we do when we listen to other people’s opinions and do not seak God’s way! Forgive others and you will be forgiven, don’t let bitterness and anger hold you back, again, thank you John!